Finding Dulcinea - Part 3: The Encounter

It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has. ~ H.W. Beecher

She has been on my mind since that first encounter.  It was also exacerbated by all the nasty replies to my two posts.  I couldn't accept that we, as a Lebanese society, have become as cynical and cold as western societies.  I mean I know we watch their TV/cinematographic media a lot but I am hoping we can still take a step back and say we are NOT like that. We refuse to become like that.  
I left a promising career in the US to come back and live in Beirut because I got sick and tired of being a social security number stuck in a rat race.  Somehow, I never accepted putting a dollar value on human warmth.


Anyway, it was a slow Sunday yesterday, mainly spent with the nephews playing football after all the excitement they had from watching Lionel Messi messin' it up for Man United. I don't recall what professor of mine advised to spend as much time as one can with kids under 7.  I took that advice to heart yesterday.


I decided to spent the evening enjoying Ilham Madfaai's concert in Beirut.  Towards the end of the concert, I spotted her sitting 3 rows down to the right of where I was.  Although it was dark, I knew it was her.  She was with 3 female friends.  There was no doubt in my mind that as soon as this concert is finished I will talk to her again and ask her to have coffee with me.

As the concert ended I walked towards her and said Hi.  She responded politely and I asked her if she remembered our chat about the Secular sign she wasn't allowed to bring into the Solidère area.  She nodded and smiled.
I told her can I talk to you for a second on the side.  She agreed and we stepped out of the way of the exiting crowds.


I said: "Listen, there is no proper introductory way to what I am about to say, so I am just gonna go ahead and say it"
She looked baffled.
I said: "Since that day we had our little exchange and I can't get you out of my mind"
She said: "ouf" and I sensed a minor blush and then said nothing.
I said: "OK, now is the time for you to tell me that you are married with five kids"
She laughed and said: "No... not yet" and I could see an excitement and twinkle in her blue eyes as she smiled and said that "not yet" ... 
That "not yet" sliced though me like a Samurai sword.  It was my clue that I had no right to intrude on her near future life project... 
And instead of asking her to join me for a cup coffee, I just looked her straight in the eyes and said:
"I'm sorry. I didn't know".
She smiled and replied: "No need, I will take it as a nice compliment"
I smiled at her, and wanted to say something about "May you find happiness" but all I said was "Sorry again" and showed her the way back into the exiting crowds as I shielded her from oncoming people.  She went back to her friends. I made my way through the crowd and never looked back...


Driving back home, I surprised myself not feeling disappointed.  I mean that woman stirred something inside me for sure and I acted on that stir and she wasn't available.  My gut feeling decision was that I didn't want to be the "other guy" or something in me clung to the purity of that stir she caused and I knew that pushing things further would amount to major headache.  Heartache I can take I guess, headache? I have more than my fair share at work.
I drove slowly and then it hit me: I am so glad I didn't ask her for her name or her address ... 


Cervantes was right, Quixote never finds Dulcinea ... but the search for mine continues ...